Nothing Compares To EU

To all the people living in the UK as an immigrant or new national,

I’m writing this what started to be brief note, but then turned into a novelette, to you all so that I may make some sort of heart-felt apology for a seemingly large section of this ever-growing horrible society of ours. 

The EU Referendum has become a hot bed of angry vitriol. One side bellowing and screaming “Leave”, the others, more reservedly and too quietly whispering “Remain”. I (as an all inclusive, “let’s all stay in this thing together” kinda guy) do not count myself as reserved or too quiet, as I like to rattle the Boris Johnson camp’s cages and satirise the single-minded foolishness of their campaign. Prodding them with accusations of xenophobia and angry fear mongering, so that they will respond in an angry, fear-mongering way. It’s all too easy and something the rest of my liberal compadres should consider doing in this final sprint to one of the most important votes in recent British history (since the last time this bullshit was raised in 1975). 

My apology is to my past, present and future friends from other EU countries who have chosen to make Britain their home. My apology is to my wife, who I love dearly, but I have to stand ashamed in front of every morning. Not ashamed for the usual reasons either! Ashamed for the sentiment and behaviour of other people that I share my nationality with. Comprehensively contrite and abundantly ashamed.

I’ve spent the last couple of months, just as my opposite campaigners have, blasting the other side. Or, as a friend put it, kicking the players and not the ball. But, as is always the way (but more so on this occasion), I feel I have every right to kick the eurosceptic players - as the majority of whom are in need of a good kicking. I’ll not be so biased to proclaim that all the Remain campaigners are whiter than white (don’t get excited Brexiters, there’s no such thing), it’s just that the vast force behind the misinformation and violent, aggressive thrust of the Leave party stems from xenophobia, aggression, anger, ignorance and blind panic. Fact. All thoroughly researched and based in truth (but those screaming “I’m a CeleBrit, Get Me Out of Here!” rarely do research - they just read what they need to in order to justify their misconceptions). The racists will proclaim “shout racist and you lose the argument”. Sorry, every racist says that. The educated will say, “I have an education”. Sorry, you may do, but you’ve been stupid enough to be duped by the cretins like Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and Nigel Farage. Not much of an education is it. Accusations of anger and aggression is pretty always denied with vast displays of anger and aggression.  I started to collate facts and figures to make my argument, but figured it would be easier to just give you the entire book with everything neatly laid out for you:

There are those of course that do not fit the mould. There are huge numbers of non-racist people playing the part of a Brexiter. But they’ve been feeble minded enough to wave their flags alongside the racist majority. There are a small array of intelligent people in the Leave party who are fearful enough of foreigners to wave their banners alongside the ignorant majority. There are an even smaller amount of peaceful and placid people so blind that they stand alongside the boorish masses.  

Far too many times do I hear apostles of Farage and Johnson raising support for the likes of Trump (even voicing positive words for the vile harridan Katie Hopkins who personifies the Brexit campaign in each objectionable breath). This in itself is reason to not only walk away from any propaganda they produce (Brexit: The Movie - made by the same guy who brought us the universally debunked The Great Global Warming Swindle) and should be enough to make them a ridiculed adjunct of society that has no place to shout about anything outside of the care homes that they belong in.

But, the fact remains, they all want to simultaneously handshake you “jolly foreigners” for bolstering the economy of this land with one hand, whilst slamming the door in your face with the other.  They will break bread and drink imported wine with you, whilst cursing the land that brought them the wine and the waiters that brought them the bread and celebrate the immigrants that made it to the top and . The hypocrisy of the Exit campaigners leaves a more vile taste in my mouth than English wine or the self-imposed unemployed British folk watching Neighbours and blaming their misfortune on immigrants. However, as is the case with pretty much every argument that the Leave clique present, none of this is true: It is, in fact, all a lie.  To bolster the other agendas.

I have spent a lot of the last few months doing my bit to try and joke about the mentality of the people that are threatening to destroy the future of this country by leaving the EU and, as is my way, I try to pack a few punches into fairly short Facebook or Twitter updates;  Perhaps using words like “stupid”, “old”, “colonial” or “Nazi”. Of course I don’t think they are Nazis.  Not all of them anyway. But, the evidence has shown in research -

  • MOST Leave campaigners are OLD: These people are acting on there preconceived, Alf Garnett ideas of immigrants - a gut instinct based on out-dated and offensive values and ideals that will cripple the future of OUR children.
  • MOST Leave campaigners are UNEDUCATED: The majority of people who will be voting  Remain are EDUCATED.  It takes little more than a nursery education to see that if two people making a decision, the educated one is going to be the one to go with.  But, as MOST Brexcretia are uneducated, they don’t seem to see that.
  • MOST Leave campaigners are UKIP supporters. Now, I’m going to  say it and this will rile a lot of the supporters of Farage - but UKIP is undeniably and factually a RACIST party.  It takes little more than a Google search to find their past manifestos, party affiliations and media soundbites to prove that.  The angry Exit crew will of course make no such research and accuse me of spreading vile rumours. So, take a look for yourself. Recent manifesto quote: “Our traditional values have been undermined. Children are taught to be ashamed of our past. Multiculturalism has split our society. Political correctness is stifling free speech”. From the UKIP “Pocket Guide to Immigration” where they promise to “end support for multiculturalism and promote one, common British culture”. It goes on and on. So, this has to read: MOST Leave Campaigners are RACIST.

Some of the few people I know (let me stress few, as I rarely hang round in such crowds) are firm Brexit campaigners.  Blindly re-posting claims of a bleak future in the EU (let’s not forget Nigel Farage’s implication that if you vote remain, you will be raped -, trigger-happy with the “statistics” that are made up by the moronic marauders - and I, despite probably losing a few of these people as friends recently, have never accused them of the above.  However, I do accuse them of associating themselves with a grotesquely abhorrent movement, without opening their eyes and seeing what they are associating themselves with. So, they may not be, but they should feel shame and humiliation to freely associate themselves with those who are. 

Most of the people who get offended who don’t know me, eg the Twitterverse when I post a slightly edited Ballot Paper (, reply with angry denial or drivel such as: 

Ben Hansen Hicks ‏@benhansenhicks 
@benfrancis Jesus. Too far?

Reply: If it didn’t offend you so much as to make you shit your pants, not far enough.

Antonio Danbareass ‏@Danbareass
@benfrancis @iVoteStay You must be a complete pillock. Do you want to queue behind immigrants for housing/NHS/state education/low paid job?

Reply: Having spent most of my life waiting  to queue up for a low paid job, I find it remarkable that immigrants would beat me to it (note: sarcasm intended)

Now, having stepped outside the queue for low paid jobs: I’m sure you’re all in that queue right now; or for the state education - I had no idea that there was a queue - I feel stupid right now! How can anyone be so fucking blind to think that this is even a thing; look at the facts! None of this is even slightly true! Nothing! None of it! Why are these people even being so bloody ridiculous. Because: they want to blame everything on all but themselves. Nothing is their fault. Nothing they will ever admit to is their own volition. Nothing. Why? You tell me! 

Too many people use the EU as a punchbag - blaming it for all of the countries woes. Get over it - rarely is the EU to blame for your job situation or your personal failings. The EU brings stability and peace between it’s member states. Then of course, there are the truly obscene and ignorant people - “We must leave the EU to stop all those Syrian refugees”  I can’t quite explain how incensed that kind of idiotic statement makes me. 

I understand this is a fairly ill-structured rant and I also understand that this is an entirely one sided take on our life in the EU - but, for the love of anything you hold dear, please don’t let your vote count for nothing. 

The EU is not a prefect governing body. We all know that.  But, which governing body is?  There is no government on the planet that has been or will ever be the utopian rulers we would all desire. But, the isolated British government, most probably run by clowns and fools like Farage or Johnson is every educated person’s idea of Dante’s Inferno and can’t be the thing truly intelligent people are after? 

The emotional “destruct” button the Brexit bandits are going to push (and it is simply an irrational and emotional, not educated choice:—and/) is one that the silent Remain voters simply must fight to disable.  

My apology to the EU nationals must also extend to the behaviour and silence of those who will be sensibly and quietly voting Remain.  The urgency to stand up and shout about their beliefs seems to have passed them by and they, in their silence, are doing little to stem the wave of destruction that the Brexit horde desire.  As much as I would desire them all to start to undermine the Suicide Squad with nothing more than facts and raising their voices, I can’t see this happening.  Most of us lefties are far to reserved for that kind of thing.  As you can tell, I am not.  

And, as I am apologising for most of the country, I should also say sorry for those sitting on the fence.  The agnostics amongst us have the power to ensure that we don’t end up being the isolated laughing stock of the world and mirror the inexorable Trump debacle in the US.  I implore them to jump off said fence into the garden of intelligent reason and ensure we don’t make one of the biggest blunders in British history.

If I have offended any Brexcrement by accusation - I’m glad. If I haven’t, and you have read any of my commentary herein or before, read harder.

My apology is to my friends. My apology is to some of the most wonderful people I’ve met in my life. My apology is to those people from Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Croatia, Republic of Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, Netherlands, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain and Sweden - to those that have chosen to make their place in the UK. My apology is to the beautiful people that chose this now seemingly hideous isle to make your home. I am truly sorry. 

I wish that one day you will sit in our small isle and not judge us all by the small minded people that make us look as such. 

Welcome and I hope we will continue to be part of this not-so-perfect, but better than the alternative, union.

About the Author

Benedict Francis

Benedict Francis

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