The T.R.U.M.P. Scale

As I flick through the news, I’m still dumbfounded by the support Mr Trump receives, both in the US and abroad. So, instead of deriding said individual again - I hereby offer his supporters a quick rundown of themselves and how they are viewed, using the T.R.U.M.P. scale.

If you support Donald Trump or repost any of his nonsensical rants in support of his views, with no intention of mocking him, you are:

Thick: Straight off the bat. You are stupid, you have no intelligence and your IQ is that of a badger. And that’s demeaning to badgers. No one, with even the slightest sense, could consider giving this man the time of day, let alone control of a super-power and its nuclear arsenal.

Racist: You already know that, which is why you support him - but this is to let you know, everyone else knows it too. You may as well put on your white robes and go burn someone with less than porcelain skin on a crucifix now - it’s that obvious. Try to hide it with any excuse; support for the policies that you are trying to push ahead of the racist card don’t cover up the fact that you are simply a bigoted moron.

Ugly: Probably physically as well as emotionally, considering your genes are of such low, inbred quality. Everyone you publicise your support of Trump and his policies to look upon your mentality in pure disgust. You repulse and offend everyone who isn’t part of the genetic sludge you try so very hard to cling to.

Minority: Believe it or not, despite the fact he has a few people baying for blood at his disorganised rallies, you and your fellow supporters are in the minority. When the three-legged egg and spoon race suddenly throws its contenders into the Olympics to compete against fully trained athletes, you will soon realise that you are pretty much alone in this world. Not even your hatred will comfort you any more.

Pointless: Pretty much the most salient point. Your life hitherto has been pointless. Of no worth to the planet. Your views and opinions are that of an extinct species. Subhuman and reviled. You will slip away into the abyss with having made no impact on the world, apart from annoying its current populous. You are good for nothing, bootless and a waste of oxygen. Do something worthwhile with your life. End it.

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Benedict Francis

Benedict Francis

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