Ode To The Online Test

I took an online test one day
To see what plant I am.
The site it said I was an oak;
So solid where I stand.

I took an online test one day,
As I’m a Downton fan.
It said I was Dame Maggie Smith;
As strong as any man!

I took an online test one day
To find which beast was I.
It said I was a slimy slug.
A tear fell from my eye.

I took an online test one day
To find which superstar
The site would say I had in me.
The answer, Alan Carr?!

I took another online test
To boost my lagging pride.
To find which Doctor Who was I
McCoy!? That can’t be right?

I took another fucking test:
A city that’s for me.
Paris? New York? Singapore?
Nope. Chavton-by-the-Sea.

And yet another online test
To find my social class.
The answer was more working class
Than Danny Dyer’s arse.

Another fucktard online test
To find who next I’d kiss!
Results came in and next in line:
A swift one off the wrist.

I searched and searched for online tests
To guide me on my way.
I took a test, I filled some forms
To pass my empty day.

I understand it’s total bull;
10 questions on a site,
Set by some fat, greasy spod
Who’s never seen day light.

Yet when I find I’ve been defined;
An answer that makes sense!
Fuck my doubts, it’s on Facebook,
I’m telling all my friends!

About the Author

Benedict Francis

Benedict Francis

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